For those of you who know me you’ll probably find this blog post laughable because impatient is my middle name. I’m always planning, and waiting, and planning, and you guessed it…waiting. So why would I (Ms. can’t wait for anything) preach to you guys on this topic? Well, to put it bluntly, because waiting for things to happen ruined a lot of moments and memories for me.
It all started about a year and a half ago when Shaun told me he booked a surprise trip for us and we would be leaving right after my birthday. He wouldn’t tell me many details except that the trip was pretty costly so it was going to be my anniversary and birthday present all in one. It seemed fishy to me because Shaun can’t keep anything from me at all, not even a simple dinner reservation so to plan a whole surprise trip?! Once I started telling my friends about this every single one of them said almost the same exact thing.
“Omg he’s totally proposing!!!”
“Make sure you have your nails done!”
“If you’re going to a nice dinner make sure you wear a dress!”
“Go get your hair done right before you’re supposed to leave!!!”
Instantly I knew I had to prepare myself because this was it. It was happening. We had been together for over 2 years and had known each other almost 15. This is the moment. I went and bought all new clothes. I prepared outfits a month in advance. I scheduled my hair and nail appointments.
As soon as we got to California and I saw the beauty this place had to offer I just knew it. We went to Nobu in Malibu for dinner the first night we got there. We ate dinner while watching the sunset and hearing the waves crash on the shore. And it didn’t happen. No big deal, I thought. We still have four days. Well, we spent the next two days exploring and parking at lookouts and watching the waves and nothing happened.
So Shaun and I went to grab pizza for lunch and we stopped at a lookout with a beautiful view of the city and the mountains and I finally just broke down. I was like, “Okay so are you proposing to me?” I just needed to know. I was sick to my stomach waiting for the moment, making sure my hair always looked perfect and applying cuticle oil every 15 minutes. Shaun got really sad and told me no, he wasn’t proposing. And that he was actually afraid that I would think that he was because he didn’t want to disappoint me.
This crushed me, and for so many different reasons. First, if I’m being honest, I was disappointed because I wasn’t getting engaged on this trip. But also, I was sad because Shaun had planned this amazing trip and I spent every second of the trip waiting for something that wasn’t going to happen instead of just enjoying it.
I’d like to say that I learned my lesson after this and started living in the moment and enjoying the special times we had together but really I was a big ball of nerves just waiting for this to happen. Shaun and I prefer to spend our money on memories instead of material things. For example, we go on trips quite often or we’ll go sit court side at a basketball game. I love this about our relationship but for awhile there I always thought he must be proposing if he got us last minute tickets to a game or planned another trip for us.
Finally we got to a point where I decided to just live in the moment. On January 13th, 2018 Shaun and I were shooting for the blog all day and then decided to go explore downtown and grab food from our favorite Mexican restaurant. He was sitting across from me and I was like “Okay, I’m done waiting.” I was done being anxious every time we went somewhere. I was done waiting and wishing and hoping it would happen and done being disappointed when it didn’t. I told him I didn’t care when he proposed or when we got married because I was already doing life with him. We owned two homes together, we had moved out of state together, and we had built a beautiful life together. So why does it matter when he asked me to legally become his wife? As long as we were going to continue building this life together I didn’t care anymore.
The funny part about that is he proposed the very next day. You can read about that here.
What I’ve learned from all of this is as soon as you stop waiting for something to happen, it’ll happen. If you’re thinking that your significant other isn’t committed all because of a proposal or a ring you’re in the wrong mindset. Trust me, I know this from experience. If you live your life waiting for someone or something you will never feel fulfilled, even when you get the thing you were waiting for. Don’t live life with the mindset that your job sucks but as soon as you get that promotion or that bonus maybe it’ll be better. Don’t live life thinking that the relationship you’re in is making you unhappy but if your significant other can only change this or that you’ll be happy. Or that you hate your current housing situation but maybe once you make a little bit more money you can have the house of your dreams and you’ll be happy. Do you see where I’m going with this and how it applies to everything?
Stop waiting around. But most importantly stop thinking that you’ll be happier at the next destination. This creates the mindset that where you’re at in life will never be enough. Because if I’m being honest with you Shaun giving me that ring didn’t change a whole lot. Yes, we have a wedding to plan and that’s extremely exciting but it didn’t change our relationship one bit. Unhappiness is not a place, it’s a state of mind. And if this is your state of mind you will bring that with you to whatever place you go. Even if you get that promotion, or that proposal, or your dream house…if you are truly unhappy, you will continue to be that.
It is okay to anticipate a proposal or something exciting happening in your life but don’t let it consume you. Enjoy each moment because you only get each moment once. Take it from me. 🙂