As most of you already know, we are eloping. If you didn’t know this you can read about it here along with how we came to this decision. Because we are eloping we are skipping a lot of the “stuff” people do with a traditional wedding. For instance, we aren’t having bachelor/bachelorette parties, no wedding shower, and no reception after our wedding. I’ve had plenty of people ask me why I didn’t want to at least have a shower and my answer is simple.
We wouldn’t have had a shower even if we would’ve had a traditional wedding. I have been living on my own for 9 years and Shaun has been on his own for 11. When we first moved in together we had doubles, even triples of certain things. We had to get rid of items. We just didn’t think it would be fair to compile a list of things that we didn’t need and ask our closest friends and family members to purchase them for us.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not knocking wedding showers or anyone who decides to have one. I, personally, think they are beautiful. They are part of the traditional plan for a reason. However, with that being said, I will say this. This shit has gotten way too out of hand. When wedding showers first started it was because couples got married so young and so quickly back in the day. They were starting out with nothing. No one (typically) was living with each other before the wedding so it’s not like they had acquired 10 years of household items that they were just waiting to use.
I still think having a shower is a great part of the process and I think they’re lovely but they have come to be about so much more than what they’re supposed to be about. (Another reason why we decided to elope.) Why have a wedding shower if it’s not about receiving items you need? Why have a traditional wedding if it’s not about the fact that you’re getting married?
Some people are going into debt to throw a wedding shower that people will remember. Other people are making $300,000+, have everything they need, and still throwing a shower just because it’s tradition.
Again, this post isn’t to bash anyone who decides to have a shower. It’s more so to bring to light why Shaun and I sat down from day one and said this was out of the question for us. So many people have asked us so I wanted to touch on that.
The real reason for this post stemmed from a girlfriend of mine saying, “Yeah, why would you have a shower? What would you even ask for?” I started to think literally about this and decided to answer it for myself. What would I have put on my wedding registry if I had a shower?
I spent a lot of time thinking about this and my answer is this. Simple, but sweet. Letters. I would want letters, handwritten by my friends and family members with advice to us. I would want people to tell me that it’s going to be hard but to push through. That marriage is work and that it is challenging, but damn is it worth it.
I have quite a few Aunts and Uncles who have been together forever and are high school sweethearts and I would want to know how they make it through the tough times. I would want to hear how they almost didn’t make it but they persevered and used communication and love to get through it all.
I would laminate those letters and put them in a binder and tuck them away for safe keeping. And any time I was stumbling through the darkness and not sure how we were going to make it through I’d go through my binder and read the words of couples who’ve withstood much tougher storms than I had.
In a world where we have gotten so far away from the “real” reason we do anything, I would choose letters because it brings the heart back into it. I don’t want a vacuum. But hey, if you need a vacuum, add it to the registry! I see nothing wrong with that. But if you have a vacuum, and a toaster, and all those kitchen utensils that you’ll probably never use and forget that you even have, try thinking outside of the box. Because the gifts that come from the heart are the most important gifts of all.