Tips for the givers

In life there are only two types of people- the givers and the takers. Neither one is right, neither one is wrong. That’s just the way it is. However, it can be exhausting to be a giver because more times than not, you’re being taken advantage of. When you’re on a plane and the flight attendants are giving you directions in case of a crash, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others. If you don’t put your own mask on first, you can’t help anyone else. Givers typically think, ‘who can I help first?’ which leaves them struggling for air. I compiled a list of things I’ve been trying to do to replenish myself. Comment below if you have any others for me. ūüôā

Learn how to say no.

This is a huge one. In my opinion, it’s the most important and most helpful piece of advice I can give. I was talking to my Aunt awhile back and she could see how mentally drained I was. She told me to start saying, “I’m sorry. That won’t work for me.” Her therapist gave her that tool and she passed it along to me. My other Aunt taught me a Japanese phrase that means the same. I’m still working on utilizing it, if I’m being honest, but it seems to be a total game changer. As givers we tend to just say yes to everything. I will clear my schedule to help someone. I will go out of my way and put myself and my needs on the back burner to help someone. This¬†can¬†be¬†so¬†damaging¬†to¬†givers¬†because¬†at¬†the¬†end¬†of¬†the¬†day¬†we’re¬†pouring¬†from¬†an¬†empty¬†cup.

Make time to relax.

Okay, still working on this one, too! But, not just because I’m a giver. Having two businesses and a household to run is exhausting. But I’m also Type A and enjoy being on the go and I forget to relax. I just wrote about it in this post. I am learning the ways in which I feel relaxed and I’m making an effort to enforce relaxation time multiple times a week. For me, it seems to be reading in the bathtub with a face mask on and music playing quietly in the background. I work 7 days a week so I have to schedule ‘me’ time whenever I get the chance. If this means you have to pencil it in your planner, do that.

Identify the givers and the takers in your life.

I’m not saying that takers are always toxic people. However, toxic people always seem to be takers. If you need help identifying these people in your life you can read this post. In short, the givers will make you feel energized and the takers will make you feel drained.

Surround yourself with people who bring value to your life.

Once you’ve identified the givers and the takers, make an effort to surround yourself with more givers. I have a really good friend who calls me occasionally on her way home from work. Whenever she calls I get excited because I know she brings value to my life. Even if she needs to vent about a bad day at work or whatever it may be, she always leaves me better than how she found me. As a giver you naturally attract takers so once you find someone like this hold on to them tight. They’re very rare.

Spend some time alone.

For me, being an empath, a giver, and an introvert, this is high up on the list for me. However, I run my business from home and I’m by myself all day so I don’t feel the need to schedule any extra alone time. If you are any of those three things I mentioned, you need alone time. However much you need is up to you. For some people they need a day at the spa, a hair or nail appointment, or even just a quick Target run that they do by themselves. Bonus points if you are fully alone and in your own thoughts. Sometimes this helps to reset.

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