Sometimes “no” is a blessing

Last week I wrote this blog post and I realized I had so much more I wanted to say so I’m just going to piggyback off of that last post.

“Sometimes our plan f*cking sucks. Sometimes God, life, fate, or whatever it is you believe in has a bigger, better plan for you. When you’re headed in the wrong direction fate will make sure to make things so uncomfortable for you, you’ll have no choice but to walk away.”

-AN OPEN LETTER TO THOSE WHO HAVE HAD A CHANGE OF PLANS

For quite a few years I was doing some acting and modeling (kinda fun) so I was going on tons of auditions (not so fun) which meant I had to go in front of a lot of people and be told yes or no. The pressure I would put on myself to get the job was indescribable. I felt like I had to get every single job or I was a failure. I’m also a very competitive person and I hold myself to a very high standard. I despised hearing the word no because it meant I wasn’t good enough.

At the time I was a nanny and I worked in retail because I wasn’t making enough money from modeling and acting. I applied for promotion after promotion in a position I was extremely good at and I figured I would get these promotions, no problem. But I kept getting told no.

This led me to look on Craigslist for a new job. I wanted to make more money. I was desperate. I wanted to get my own place and my mom had just moved to Florida. I put my acting and modeling dream on the back burner and applied for a position titled “Assistant to President of a company”. I got a call the next day for an interview, interviewed the day after that, and got the job the following day. During the interview the guy asked me a million questions, none of which I had the answer to. And I got the job.

It was for a bail bond agency in Detroit and I had no clue what I was doing. After a few years of working at this place and realizing it was a toxic environment for me I decided to leave. I didn’t know how to get out. It was like a very bad, abusive relationship that I felt like I had to stay in or I would be beaten even more. I reached out to an employment agency and told them my situation and asked them to put me wherever they could find a spot for me. The pay doesn’t matter, the start date doesn’t matter, nothing matters…just get me out of here.

In the meantime I applied for about 4 other jobs where the people told me I was overqualified. All I heard was no, no, no. Again I thought I just wasn’t good enough. (Because how can someone really be overqualified if they want the job?!) The agency stuck me with the first company that popped up. It was a cremation society/funeral home company. She set up an interview for me and there I went again, on an interview, with no clue what I was doing. I had no idea what I was getting myself into and couldn’t answer any of the questions the woman asked me. And I got the job.

After about a year of working with one of the guys in the office he asked me how I ended up there, doing that job. I explained my background and that I had come from bail bonds. He was intrigued and asked me to explain the process and how bail bonds work. When I got done talking he said, “I’ve never seen you light up like that when you talk about anything else. I think this is your calling.” I went on to explain that the industry is very competitive and can be very toxic and I didn’t have it in me to work for another company that would treat me that way again. He told me I didn’t have to, I should start my own company.

I had like, $226 to my name, total. How was I supposed to do that? I started researching and applying for loans. All I heard was no. Until a man, or an angel as I like to refer to him as came along and wrote me a check to start my business. He didn’t know me. He didn’t even ask me a whole lot of questions. He asked me to pay it forward one day and sit on his side of the table and help make someone else’s dream come true. And I started my business.

So here’s the thing. The whole time I was being told no I thought I was getting farther and farther away from my plan, from my dream. When in reality I was being told no so I would be forced on the right path. I was meant to things I didn’t even know I was meant to do. If you would’ve told me 8 years ago when I was walking into that interview that all of those no’s were for a purpose I probably wouldn’t have bought it. If you would’ve said that that interview would change the rest of my life I would’ve laughed. I just needed a job with decent pay.

But all of the no’s that led me there changed my fate. The girl who hired me into the bail bonds world is one of my closest friends to this day and one of the most genuine souls I’ve stumbled upon. The industry I’m in has allowed me to change lives and help other people get back on track. I thought I was late for everything in life, like I was behind. But it turns out I was right on time. Everything had to be timed just perfectly for it to work out the way that it did.

I’m beyond grateful for the no’s, the no way’s, the no call backs, and even questioning my self-worth. I’m grateful for all of the people who walked out of my life, the boys who shattered my heart, and the bosses who treated me like shit. So thank you to everyone who has ever told me no. You’ve all had such a huge hand in leading me to this moment, right now.

“Just hold on. God is working. It may not be exactly when you expect it but it will be right when you need it. He’s always on time.”

If you’ve been hearing a lot of no’s lately and can’t seem to figure out why just know that your purpose is coming. Your person is out there. Your fate is right around the corner. It might not make sense right now but it will. Just hang in there.

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