I’m okay, and that’s okay. We need to start being able to say that without everyone’s eyebrows furrowing.
What??? How could she be? Isn’t she supposed to be crying and miserable?
Nope. And that’s okay.
I’m a big girl and I made the decision to end my marriage thoughtfully and fragilely. Did it hurt? Yes. Did it suck? Yes. Was it my first option? No.
People see me happy and for the most part are so happy for me and send me love and kindness, but some are still watching my every move with hateful eyes.
So yes, it’s shitty. But, to who? To those who don’t know your heart? To those who have made up imaginary expectations for what your life is supposed to look like? To those who see your curated life from a distance and think they know you, so they obviously know what’s best for you?
This may come as a shock to some of you (heavy on the sarcasm) but social media is a place to show a very curated version of your life. Translated: I show you what I want you to see.
My life wasn’t some perfect scene out of the Notebook because none of ours is. That chapter was messy and rough and beautiful and many other things. I didn’t get married to get divorced at all, let alone a year later, so know that I didn’t make the decision lightly.
I think we grow up with the idea of marriage lasting forever and it’s engrained in our memory to make it work, no matter what. We read books and we see films that portray two people so in love and willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. But that’s just it. It takes two people to want to love and heal and mend. That goes for any partnership, marriage included.
I am extremely grateful for this person and forever will be. For without him, my life wouldn’t be half of what it is today. He taught me to take risks, to follow my gut, and to be selfish. I am grateful for my journey, even if it brought me to unforeseen places and unanticipated emotions.
It’s been almost half a year, and I am okay. I have my moments, but I am okay. And that’s okay.
Thank you all for loving me, so.